The secret
by newsyd
Summary: The secret...


The secret...

She had never said anything about him, simply that he died at the same time as the Taelons. I didn't know anything about him, of what was be his life, I didn't know what he looked like nor where he came from. I just remembered something, this glance shining in her eyes when I knew that she thought of him.

All the questions that I was posed to myself, that I posed to her hadn't ever have any answers. I was growning in the ignorance of what was be her life, of her combat, if it had had one of it, and of the man she had loved all her life.

She had kept her secret, it had accompanied her in her grave and I should ever known, if it didn't come finally to my mind to read her papers and to find what she had in her memories. I knew that it was a box in the attic of the house where she preserved everything that had dear to her heart and it's there that after her funeral I went.

My heart was heavy to do this, to steal her memories for finally knowing mines, but I wanted to know why she had hidden so many things, why she had never told me his name, why I didn't ever known who my father was and if that was him that she had loved so much?

I'm still persuaded that she did this to protect me, but I would have like to share with her that love that she had for him. At the moment of discovering what finally would become a part of my life, I realized that she had also thought of that, I didn't find any photograph, any document, any letter, just some stuff, books, but she had left a birth certificate, mine, on which was the name of someone who could finally help me, may be...

It took time to find her trace, the hospital where she still worked. When I entered in her office, her eyes widen in shock, she was so surprise and a veil of sadness crossed them. In the space of a moment, I thought that she had seen a shadow.

Then it became a shock for me, was it possible that I looked like him, it was foolish. I didn't say anything, she rose, put her hand on my face and murmured:

" I promised something, one day, tell you anything, reveal nothing, I'm sorry... "

These words left me without voice. How she had done this, how she had been able to envisage my actions, and where I would go to discover this past that she hopelessly refused me even after her death.

" Dr. Curzon, please... "

She shook her head, in her eyes, I saw shining some tears, after so many years, why the fact of thinking of someone who didn't exist for a long time, was so painfull?

It was so many years ago...

30 years, 30 years of doubts, questions, pains and still any answers. It would have finally been more judicious to stop there, forced the doctor to speak, she could help me a lot.

But this pain in her eyes had been such a surprise for me, that I didn't feel the courage to remember her so much painful memories. Suddenly I blamed my mother, why all these silences? Why all these secrets?

I wanted to know and I would know them, one day, may be...

It was another possibility, one which I didn't think, she can have erase evrything.

The only thing I could do was to read all of the history books, the story of these aliens, arrived on Earth a long time ago and who had disappeared suddenly and that nobody really knows why.

She had told me that he had died at the same time, perhaps was he directly linked to them in some ways?

I read all these files left in the archives, a story that everyone had quickly forgotten, they had however brought us the technology which had been able to save so much people and which had allowed my mother to have a child.

That child that she had hopelessly wanted, that child that she had cherished, that child who was on the point of discovering these memories that she had wanted to hide, and to forget.

She had never directly worked for the Taelons, but I learned a little more on her that she always had said to me, she was so different then, she appeared so cold, so distant, a woman whom I never had known. Perhaps had he changed all of that, perhaps that his disappearance was so painfull for her that she had changed?

She was so gentle, so nice and so sad sometimes.

The newspaper didn't spoke of a love story, just some of her friends, working relationships or enemies...

Some photographs taken that and there at the time of her official visits everywhere, on the mothership, at the Embassy in Washington DC.

At the Embassy...

While looking at them more closely, my attention was drawn by something, a photograph, put a little more than 30 years ago, someone reported an incident at the time of the last television appearance of the Taelons and the faintness of a companion protector.

I recognized my mother knelt at the sides of this man...

I saw his face and my blood froze. That was that...

It was for that that she decided to act like that, she had been afraid of my reaction, and the reaction of the others about me. It had been said that the companion protector had been programmed to obey to those who they protected, but if that had been the case, none of them could tie their life with another person.

Why this protector was so different?

Deep inside, a little voice told me suddenly that some of them didn't even be like that, may be I heard my mother spoke about it. There was one of them who wasn't like that. He thought by himself, he had decided to serve.

So far as I remember, and as the others had said, no Taelon deserved that a human being had sacrificed his life for him, then why had he deliberately agreed to do that?

There was other thing, something which I didn't put my finger on...

I knew the name of theTaelon companion in North America, Da'an, it was in the newspaper, but not a words of what had happened to his protector, nor a name, a first name, just a rank, a document filmed that day showed this Taelon, named Da'an, call him, Major, it was a beginning...

If he was a major, I would perhaps find something in the Army data base, it was thin but it was a beginning. At the end of the day, I collapsed on my computer, of the majors, there were thousands of them, and hundreds having worked for Taelons, I didn't have the time to meet days after days peoples whom I didn't even know.

Suddenly I pointed my finger on the screen to the face of a man that I didn't know and I murmured:

" Who are you? "

And in my heavy and tired head made an answer which I would only understand later:

" Someone who doesn't exist! "

I was certain of one thing, if mom didn't say anything, it was because the situation was much more complicated that it did at first sight.

Perhaps there had been events of which nobody hadn't ever heard, and that everyone had forgotten.

It was necessary that I find someone who had known them 30 years ago, someone who would have the courage to explain what happened. Someone who would say that my father was this kind of hero whom the dreams of a little boy had imagined.

However I had this sudden impression that the manI sought was nowhere, that he didn't existed. The old woman who allowed me to search in the files of the library came to tell me that it was the time to leave, I left the library with even more questions that I had whenI had arrived at the beginning of the day.

She was so sorry. She had come to see me, she didn't question me, I didn't know her face but I recognized this glance in her eyes, this pain, the same one that I saw in my mother's eyes, the same one that I saw in Dr Curzon's eyes...

I read in her mind, as in an opened book, she had known him and she knew me, I was certain of this, and she knew what I sought. She put her hand on my cheek and murmured:

" You look like him so much! "

I wanted answers, she didn't give any. Into my hand, she slipped a photograph, behind the photograph, some words:

Saint Michael Church, tomorrow, 10 H

This photograph, I had the courage to finally look at it in my room.

He had fair short hair, green eyes, a young face and a so strange gleam in his eyes. It was someone, who didn't exist, someone who didn't exist any more...

It was me, 30 years ago.

Now, I wasn't sure that I wanted to know. And if all these dreams which I had made when I was a child weren't dreams and that he was the worst criminal in the world?

And if everything that was told about theTaelons and their protectors were true?

And if my father was someone that finally mom had made well to hide me?

And if he hadn't ever existed?

And if it wasn't him?

And if it was a dream?

Everything became fuzzy in my head, I wasn't sure that I was heremyself.

This night was long and I hopelessly waited the morning and the appointment.

I was there in advance, I would like to visit the Church, it was so pretty. Inside I had a feeling of " déjà vu ".

A flood of images took me by surprise. A being of light, a young woman with red hair, an old man who was like uncle Joshua, a man with a little poneytail...

I closed my eyes, images disappeared.

Someone was in front of me when I opened them again, his reaction stunned me, he took me in his arms while murmuring:

" It was a so long time! "

Then someone put a hand on his shoulder and said:

" Augur, this isn't Liam! "

It was the old lady of the library, her companion, Augur excused him, he knew but I was so real to him, he had believed that..., he was sorry.

No, it wasn't important, it wasn't the time to be sorry, it didn't change anything at my story, his story.

Liam was also my first name, it was that name that my mother had given to me. We had more than one thing in common...

He and I...

I knew, finally, that he was my father!

Augur still spoke, spoke, and spoke about someone that he had adored. It was more than a friendship, it was a sort of love for someone who had been a little brother, a friend. A friend that however he had betrayed one day.

I discovered a man who had often put his values for the two camp but always with accuracy. A man sincere, nice, always ready to help a friend, a man who looked like the oneI had imagined.

I started to miss him, and I never had the opportunity to know him. I understood that he was more than a companion protector, he had been a double agent for the white house, and during a long moment, the head of resistance.

I understood suddenly why mom had so many secrets, I understood finally why she had hidden them to me.

I heard that my grandmother was Irish, the red-headed young woman of my vision, one of my grandfathers was an alien named Ha'gel, a being of light who had disappeared right before my father's birth, and that my other grandfather had been also a companion protector. The worst than the world had known, and that he never had forgiven himself for what he had made!

Was he aware of the existence of my father?

Augur launched a glance behind my shoulder, the lift doors by which I was arrived opened, a man, dark eyes, gray hair, carrying an impeccable costume approached and murmured:

" Yes, I had known, one day, it was a long time ago, but it was already too late, too late! "

Surprised, the old lady murmured:

" Sandoval... "

" Sandoval "

In my mind, this name repeated itself over and over again. Sandoval was my grandfather but never had be, Alistair, yes, he had taken care of me. I often saw him, he spent much time at our house. I passed also some time in his castle at Edinburgh. He never spoke about my father, but I knew that he loved him.

Alistair was this grandfather whom each child dreamt one day, this presence that I never had have and of which I had need. This love he had given to me, it was that love that he never had have the time to share with someone else, gone too soon, someone that I didn't even known, my father.

He had taken this place during ten years, and had left us a few days after my birthday and I missed him, I always missed Alistair. Nobody could replace him in my heart not even this other grandfather, that grandfather who had known too late the pain that he had inflicted to his own son.

It was difficult for me to cross his glance, to look him in the eyes, this eyes which betrayed a deep distress and a heavy secret...

I tried to reflect just a few minutes, to breath a little. There was always a question in my mind, what had happened to major Liam Kincaid, who had protected Da'an all this time and who had disappeared at the same time as the Taelon.

Augur explained the story a sob in his voice, after the explosion, he had search my father and never found him, he had spent days to still seek, seek, seek without finding anything.

So that my father didn't have any burial since his body had never found. Augur stopped suddenly, the old lady put a hand on his shoulder. Sandoval shook his head with sadness and murmured:

" I arrived before you and I found him... "

Oh my god, I stopped breathing, thinking and moving.

Sandoval had found my father and never told it to anybody.

Why?

Why never told it to my mother. She would have less suffered, she could have mourn him, and accept her loss.

Why speaking today?

Why speaking now?

After listening what Augur told me, I prayed that he died immediately, the explosion had been so violent that he couldn't been able to survive except if he had been protected. Now, everything had changed, Sandoval had changed everything, I would have felt definitely better if I had not known, if nobody had found him.

Knowing that someone did destabilized me, then came a question, a question to which I wanted an answer, a question thatI would like to ask to Sandoval and which remained in my throat, I couldn't, I couldn't speak any more, it was too much of discoveries, too much of emotions...

I thought of being able to support all of that, but I didn't. Sandoval approached me, he had felt this distress which suddenly made me lose contact with the real world.

And then, he spoke, he spoke of a thing which paralysed me and which left my two companions without voice. Major Liam Kincaid, was always alive when Sandoval had found him. Barely alive and he had had much difficulties to transport him without worsening his wounds.

My father had then entered in a coma of which he never had awaked, at least it was what I believed, after what Sandoval had told us. But he had omitted a detail, which he murmured, after a few minutes, lowering his head, voice broken :

" Your father wasn't dead Liam, he is always alive... "

Augur had approached and supported me, I had terribly paled, I felt myself so bad suddenly. Everything that I learned would have changed all my life if I had known earlier. Then why didn't he came to see us and had left us in the ignorance, his friends, mom and me?

It was foolish.

Then I realized thatI wasn't at the end of my surprises, yes, my father was always alive but when he was certain that his health would support an hibernation, Sandoval had plunged him in this deep sleep, that sleep that thay had awaked these astronauts a little more than thirty years earlier.

So even if he was still alive, even if he were awaked, this father that I would have like to know, would have perhaps lost his memories, wouldn't remember anything, perhaps wouldn't he quite simply awake?

A few hours later, Sandoval took us along in the secret basement of the FBI. A room, in this room, a pod...

I opened the door. The others remained behind me, leaving me, undoubtedly understanding that I needed to be alone, that I needed a certain intimacy with someone thatI never had known.

I had approached, a knot was formed in my stomach, I was afraind of this meeting, even if it were necessary. The man who was inside looked like me, same face, I imagined his green eyes, his smile.

I put my hand on this pod which had become like his coffin. The simple fact of putting my hand had a strange effect, an alarm started, I moved back, a little surprised, the pod opened...

I crossed the same glance as mine.I don't know why but my hand tightened his and everything disappear around me.

And it was now that I understood, who he was, where he came from, what he had made. I lived again in the same time as him all these tender and violent moments of his life. Images, faces, words, gestures...

When Lili had promised to take care of him no matter what happened and who had left him a long time ago.

This young woman with red hair, a brilliant glance who said:

" If you ever lose your way my son, look to the Haevens, I'll be shining a star for you!"

My grand mother, his mother. I could feel his pain, a wound which never heal completely.

Augur who had been his friend, his big brother, and his treason towards him.

Da'an making the same thing a few hours later...

" We trusted you with our lives, Da'an! "

" There are powers which will always guard you! "

Then this choice, this difficult choice to save his father who's going to die...

" Sandoval is my father, he is what Taelons did worse to humanity but I can't let him die and I won't! "

Ha'gel who had appeared to him as a shadow several times enabling him these painful tests to become human

" I'm proud of you my son "

Then much more pleasant moments, these moments spend with my mother, of the gestures, the words, of the exchanged smiles, these stolen kisses. And this only night that they had passed together, this night which had changed everything.

Augur had explained that just before their departure, when she had agreed to let him achieve his destiny, the last thing she had made before leaving was putting her hand on the control screen where she saw him for the last time.

She had known at this time that she would never seen him again and she hadn't told him that he would be a father one day!

Then all had exploded.

When I came back slowly in the real world, nothing had changed. he was always there, opened eyes, his hand in mine, and tears ran along his cheeks.

He knew who I was, he had guessed, he had understood what had happened.

The most difficult thing would be from now on to relearn to live.

I knew that Augur, Juliette and even Sandoval would help him, but there, we were going to count on each other to advance and to rebuild us a new life.

I approached a little closer and murmured:

" I love you dad... "

He closed his eyes and sighed...

He was weak, he was tired. I tried to imagine what he was thinking right now. For him, life had stopped 30 years ago and he awoke to discover that everything had changed, that everyone had aged and that I was there.

The pain which had crossed his eyes a few moments earlier was the same pain which mom had carried for 30 years.

This woman, that in his heart and mind, he had last seen only yesterday. It was a treasure now only preserved in his mind, the image of a woman who had meant so much to him in his life and that he would never forget. It was like the same story revisited. She had lived for years with his memory, he would live the years to come with hers.

The most difficult thing for him now was would he be able to accept me as a son?

The story that he had lived with Sandoval was repeated again.

We were almost the same age but he was my father and I had missed him so much.

I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn't see Augur approach, my father opened his eyes and a smile lit his face when his old friend murmured:

" Welcome back, kid! "

I had forgotten this detail, Augur had seen his birth, his growing up and had taken care of him for a long time, he was a kind of big brother and the strangeness of this situation would mean that would now really be needed as such.

Augur took his hand, my father clasped it tightly, wanting to rise, but he was tired, the years of sleep had weakened him. He couldn't. He sighed and closed his eyes.

He needed more than a month to finally begin to live a normal life, well, in this case not completely normal. The face that I saw in front of me when I looked at him was the same one that I saw in my mirror every morning.

It could be my twin brother whom I had just found, but he was my father and I didn't want to be treated like I was his brother, I needed him as my father!

I spent as much time with him as I could, telling him about my life with mom, why she never said anything about him, why she had hidden all these secrets from me...

I wanted so much to shared her memories.

I didn't even take his name.

Why were things suddenly so complicated?

Sandoval took the time to finally get to know him, his son, to build with him the ties which had never been given the chance to form. It wasn't too late, it's never too late.

I waited until I though the time was right to finally introduce him to someone dear to my heart. It was the right time to let him meet someone that I had had in my life for two years now. I had been reluctant to do so before, in case the shock affected his healing. 

He had moved back in to his old apartment, Augur who still was the owner of Flat Planet Café had never sold it, or even rented it, and had left it in the same state that his friend had left it more than 30 years earlier.

Holding the young woman's hand who was with me, I walked in his apartment. 

Before he could say anything, I introduced my wife.

Then something special, something strange, something mysterious crossed his eyes. He had the amazing gift of being able to understand... everything, everyone, to recognize someone at the first glance... 

Leaving me speechless in surprise, he put his hand on her cheek and murmured: 

" Ariel! "

She smiled and kissed him on the cheek.

" Mom told me so much about you! "

How did he know?

How had he guessed?

My surprise was total, what I didn't know was that he had known her as a baby, that he had witnessed her birth and that she looked exactly as her mother.

Lili had been his partner for over a year before her disappearance and her subsequent return to Earth with Vorjak, pregnant. The child, the mother and the father wouldn't have survived life on Earth, my father had helped them to escape into space, safety and freedom.

Ariel could now survive on Earth as her mother, thanks to a particular treatment.

Her father having disappeared at the same time as mine, Lili had decided to come back to Earth, with their very special child, the first of its kind, she shared something special with my father.

But there were things which I didn't know, things that even Ariel didn't know, events, situations, the relationships which linked my father and her mother and everything else which I wanted to know.

My father had become human, but had preserved at least one Kimera characteristic which consisted of sharing memories, his memories, by simple contact of the hand.

He raised his palm and I mirrored the gesture as I touched my palm to his, something passed between us and suddenly I was watching memories of the year that he had spent with Lili and all events which had bound them, from just after the birth of my father to Lili's escape with Vorjak.

When our hands separated, he suddenly closed his eyes, lost in painful memories.

Someone approached, someone who had waited hidden behind the door for a few minutes, someone who took him in her arms and murmured:

" I missed you so much! "

I heard him answer, a sob in his voice:

" Lili... "

He and Lili spent much time together, but most of their time was taken in talking about my mother.

He finally learned all he had missed, all that had been stolen from him, all that he had left uncompleted.

My grandfather, Ronald... Sandoval... had found a job in the FBI for him. After all, a former protective companion, ex-resistance leader and double agent for the ANA, had some skills of value.

But he wasn't the same person anymore. Lili had said it to me, Augur and Ronald confirmed it.

Something had died in him, the spark in his eyes had disappeared.

He hadn't ever asked to go to mom's grave but, one day, he asked me to go with him.

I took him along and was the sole witness of a strange scene that to this day I have some difficulties explaining. He knelt in front of the grave, put his hand on the white marble and closed his eyes. 

Something happened; a strange, bright and white light surrounded him.

I wanted to know what was going to happen, I approached, gently put my hand on his shoulder and I was the privileged witness of my parents' reunion. In this other world where Ha'gel had already spoken to him several times before, he found mom.

She was beautiful, she was young. They approached, she put her hand on his cheek, and he took her in his arms. They remained in each other embrace a very long moment, and then my father kissed her.

They had spent two years together without talking about their feelings, how much they loved each other, without a word being spoken, they had just proven their love.

He murmured:

" There's something I've wanted to ask you for a long time now... do you want to marry me?"

She smiled, kissed him and answered:

" Yes."

The spark in his eyes came back again and I suddenly understood something which frightened me.  
I left them both with a great sorrow in my heart. If he decided that he wouldn't come back, I would lose him today as I had lost mom just one month earlier.

I felt something soft on my face, a hand which stopped on my cheek and a voice which said: " It's time to wake up, honey! "

My god, the awakening was so difficult, I was deeply asleep and the dreams which I had make this night still haunted me when I opened my eyes.

Ariel was there, looking at me a smile in her lips, she was so beautiful, but she had changed, her hair was a little longer. In one night, impossible?

She didn't understand my surprise preferring to put that on my difficult night.

When I explained the disappearance of my father and the incident at the cemetery, she opened large eyes.

She murmured:

" Liam, what happened yesterday? "

She didn't understand a word that I said and I ended up thinking that everything was just a bad dream but so real after all and that the shock of the previous night had make me completely insane.

It was time to take to some air, breathed just a little.

When I opened the door, I had the surprise of my life. Mom was right in front of me, she was the same one as she was when she had left us one month ago, but her glance had changed, this sadness in her eyes had disappeared, she was happy.

What happened really last night?

She took to me in her arms and kissed me on the cheeks while murmuring:

" Thank you "

When she entered the house, I remained on the threshold of the door completely stunned, it was at this moment that I saw him.

He was always the same, same gestures, same imposing presence, same glance, same green eyes, same smile with 30 years more.

" Oh, my god !"

He murmured:

" I explain later."

The tears that they were there for a long time ran suddenly on my face, I walked to met him, took him in my arms and murmured:

" I love you dad "

He returned the embrace and answered:

" I love you son "

END


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